So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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