I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
