It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
