PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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