Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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