He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
