All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
