the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
