So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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