Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
