your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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