Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
