I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's great music for shaving your balls
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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