I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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