So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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