The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
