first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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