I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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