Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
