I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
