So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
even my farts smell like vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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