I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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