I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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