No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
