im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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