He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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