I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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