how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
