If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.