Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?