Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention