I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot