i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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