Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
