he wants to bone in the snuggie
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
