Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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