dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he thought i was a dude.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
