dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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