I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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