When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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