Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Buhtt sex?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
