Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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