Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize