Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
