I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
