explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
