take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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