I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
