Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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