so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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