u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
