We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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