I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His nipple licking is glorious
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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