I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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