Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
