I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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