Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
