I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
