At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
