I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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