Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize