i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
