i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize