made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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