I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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