He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That accounts for only three of the penises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
