I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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