Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
