At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
