Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
