idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
