I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
