Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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