bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
